Best Movie for Bald Men 2015: Furious 7

Hi and howdy gang,

Some would say its unbelievable. Some would say inconceivable. But the truth of the matter is the Bro-tastic movie about drag racers in California has spawned 6 sequels and turned into a globe-trotting epic. And even more surprising, like George Clooney it has only gotten better with age!

Up to the 7th my top picks for the series would have either been Tokyo Drift or Fast and Furious 6, and I have heard through the grape-vine that Fast Five is widely considered the "Strikes Back" of the series.  To be honest, I don't really need to see any of the other sequels, because I guarantee Furious 7 will completely blow them out of the water.

#ThemDomes!

Normally this would be the part where I give a brief summary of the plot, but I assume most of you would just skip that anyway. What we have here is a Super Hero movie, plan and simple. If you changed the names of the characters and put it into a Heroes-esque world of para-humans or whatever, you would have a pretty solid new IP that could be built into some serious sequels. Instead, you posit a world in which two bald men initiate a fight by, intentionally, RAMMING THEIR CARS TOGETHER, then get out and start fist fighting.

If you read that sentence and say to yourself "Sam, you handsome bastard, that sounds incredible. And did you say, 'Bald Men', even better!", go ahead and see this one in theaters. Its worth it. If not, I would recommend the white knuckle thrill ride of Downtown Abbey to tide you over until next Oscar season.

I've seen toast that's wetter than this

In all seriousness, this movie is awesome. The fight choreography is tight, the stunts are insane, and the one-lines groan inducing. It is sad to see Paul Walker pass away last year, but it gives Vin Diesel more screen time which he uses mostly to spout one-liners about the family, wink at the camera, and deadlift a sports car (which is almost a plot point in and of itself). This series has accepted that this guy is pretty much unbreakable, which is highlighted by a late fight scene between him and Jason Stath-I mean "Shaw" where he gets brained in the head by a piece of rebar and shrugs it off like a jab from Ludacris. Again, its stupid, but incredible to see.

The rest of the cast falls into the easy tropes of Comic Relief (Earn that Paycheck, Tyrese), computer/smart guy (Luda!), Hot girl (the chick that Grey Worm wants to bang), feisty Latina (take a wild guess), and token white family member guy (RIP Paul). You also have Dwayne Johnson, who I could watch read the phone book. That guy just exudes charisma and charm, and while hospitalized pretty early in the movie completely steals it when he flexes SO HARD he breaks out of a cast.

Incredible!

My friend, who is a doctor, says that action is quote "100% physically impossible" end-quote, but evidently he doesn't understand the world that we are dealing with here.


While I had bottom gutter expectations that were completely exceeded, there were a couple things that seemed like missed chances. First of, there were several times that monster one-liners could have been dropped and instead feel flat. One time Vin looks directly at the camera and says something to the tune of "This time, we will have to be more than Fast". Period, cut to different scene. Come on, Vin! I practically screamed "we need to be Furious" but then realized I was in a dark room with 5 other people and bit my tongue.  Also, super hot UFC Rhonda Roussey is in a brief moment to be an unwitting pawn against Michelle Rodriguez's badassery, and she doesn't even throw her in an arm-bar! Weak!

They also put a lot of effort into bringing all characters to the front-light and forced in some cheese-tastic romance and friendly banter moments, but these are clearly just some filler to make this movie more than 45 minutes of rap-video edits, cars flying through the air, and people being thrown through various planes and tables of glass.

At the end of the day there really isn't much else to say. Is it awesome and cool to watch? Yes. Will the tight acting and smooth plot garner some serious acamdemy attention? Absolutely not. If you are like me and have some spare time to head to the cinemas, this is an easily pick for the drought of entertainment between the indie-heavy winter and big blockbuster summer.

Oh, and if you are chrome-dome like the large man writing this, you owe it to the rest of us to finance this. Represent!

Final Grade: B+

As made mention earlier, there is not much else coming out soon, so I think I'll have another Netflix round-up for the people playing the literal home game.

I'll catch you in a dark room somewhere,

Tuck

Birthday Overview: Two for One!

Howdy there cats and kittens!

First off let me just say thanks for all the lovely people that wished me a happy birthday!

I know the BTLs out there are clamoring for more content and you are in luck! Due to unfortunate circumstances I will have a lot of time on my hands in the next few weeks, so get ready for a barrage of posts wither you like it or not! For your reading pleasure I have two great movies to talk about today, one being incredibly obscure and the other coming to you through your favorite streaming service(s?):

A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night (2014/2015):

On paper this movie sounds like something that was made from a drunken film mad-libs: A Iranian western vampire drama set in a fictional city but shot in California that goes through the dramas of 20 somethings who are aimless and looking for love.

And yes, its as weird as it sounds. But also hauntingly beautiful.

The bleak landscape that hey chose has a very surreal affect on the viewing (think the Minnesota Frozen wastelands from Fargo and your close to on point for this) and the stark black and white cinematography sets a very distinctive visual style. I dragged my dad - who for those playing the home game is a minister and generally stays away from anything that's not a comedy - and while expecting him to hate it was surprised when he said he really liked it! The story isn't anything that is super outside the norm but the characters all cut a very unique path. The two leads, one the ancient vampire who looks like a young girl and the other the James Dean wannabe, work so well together, and while they share hardly any dialogue you can see that they are both looking for something to complete their lives. While the story isn't horrible it really plays second fiddle to the feeling this movie exudes. Each shot is almost photogenic in his composition, beautifully highlighting the internal and external struggles that everyone is going through.

If this was still in theaters, I would highly recommend you to check it out. Granted it is incredibly bizarre and nonsensical at times, but it has a lot for the both the indie film fan and more mainstream audiences.

Also, for you cat lovers, there is perhaps the most handsome cat that has ever graced the silver screen. He gets so much screen time he may as well be a secondary character!

Final Grade: A-

Side Effects (2013):

Streaming now on Netflix, this film went fairly unnoticed in theaters. Steven Soderburgh released this in close succession to both Magic Mike and Haywire, and of the three it probably went the most unnoticed, which is a shame as it is a very tight thriller that I did not expect to be so engrossing. 

Obviously a big draw for this film is the whole cast. Rooney Mara (naked), Channing Tatum (half naked), Jude Law (fully clothed), and Catherine Zeta-Jones (doesn't matter what she's wearing) all own and kill their roles. While I'm not sure its completely intentional - Soderburgh is so prolific I imagine it has to be - the movie teases with your perceptions of these actors, playing them both with and against what you would expect. Its hard to talk a lot about what happens without breaking into some major spoilers, but to suffice to say its a good watch if nothing else is on. It can be very intense at times and doesn't really say much outside of the well written story and acting, but overall is a very strong selection to pull up on the Flix.

Final Grade: B+

Apologies for the brevity here, but there's not a whole ton more to say about either of these except "Check them out".

Until Next Time,

Big Tuck Tucking

00-R: Kingsman: The Secret Service

If you go to any movie websites or visit Facebook on the reg, you’ve probably been bombarded with ads for this one. Pop-ups, recommended links, trailers playing automatically, the whole shebang. Generally I don’t trust movies that get released with this much forced fan-fare, assuming the studios are trying to push out something that doesn’t stand on its own merit or that it’s the same quality as the Divergent/Hunger Games/Maze Runner series. Furthermore, the idea of pompous and middle-aged Colin Firth playing an unstoppable badass kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Bruce Willis? Sold. Liam Neeson? Sure, he’s proven himself. Sean Penn? Now I’m starting to be suspect. The guy from The Kings Speech, Mama Mia, and Bridget Jones Diary? Get out of town.

That being said, I remember Warrior was released with the same force, and that movie was surprisingly great. Could Kingsman surprise me in the same vein???

Released in the typical drought of post Oscars, Kingsman is a thoroughly enjoyable action fare. Matthew Vaughn shows that he has a great feel when it comes to a kinetic shoot-em up, and he really draws your attention to the actions on the screen. It can be a little jarring at first, but the fight and gun scenes convey the frantic pace and moves in a way that has you feel the inertia. The opening scene of two agents delivering headshots, from a helicopter, with “Money for Nothing” blasting in the background pretty much sets the tone. If you try to take this seriously, you will be disappointed, so turn off your brain, enjoy your popcorn, and invest in the insanity.

On the surface the movie is set up as an R-Rated James Bond, the two parts of the story work pretty well together. The A-plot of a lisping Samuel Jackson (who has gotten to the point of pretty much playing himself in every role) taking over the world (OF COURSE!) using cellular phones is fine if not a little bland, and the introduction of an independent spy agency works as well.  Gadgets are cool, style is impeccable, and stuffy British tropes are in full effect. The B-plot of a street-smart recruit clashing with the high-society agency and classmates gives the film some sort of emotional core, with Taron Egerton stealing his scenes. He must have just missed the new Star Wars casting deadline, and I’m sure we are going to see a lot of him in the near future. Sure, it can be predictable and ham-fisted, but consider the source material these beats and twists are supposed to be telegraphed miles away…I think. 

Colin Firth really shows off his 6 months of training, and I have to say he pulls off the sophisticated badass pretty well. While never strictly intimating, he carries himself with an air of authority and class which can be threatening. The rest of the acting is fine, with all the notable actors doing a passable if not memorable job.

*SPOILERS*

From the other reviews I’ve read, there’s been a ton of controversy in regards to the Church scene. For those who are still reading, this is where Colin Firth gets “rage infected” and murders a building full of West Baptero-style goers. I could see why people could be offended at this “senseless” showing of violence, I took it in a way different light. Similar to some of the fight scenes from Kill Bill that where way over the top, it surpasses any semblance of reality and almost becomes comical in its violence. Maybe I’m just desensitized to this whole thing, but it’s not like Vaugh hasn’t done something like this in the past (Here’s looking at you, Kick-Ass) and he’s a capable enough director to make it something to behold.

*END SPOILERS*

Overall, Kingsman was a very enjoyable movie. As mentioned above, it is the kind of popcorn movie that doesn’t take itself too seriously and won’t exactly engross you in its tight-knit story lines or deep political messages. The longer fight scenes are awesome, there’s some snappy dialogue, and everything else falls in line. It’s not a must-see movie, but when it inevitably comes out on Netflix in a few months, grab a few friends and twelve pack if you got nothing else to do. Hell, make a drinking game out of every death by blade or spy-gadget and you’ll be in the bag by the halfway point.

Final Grade: B 

The Life of Crime Without the Criminal: A Most Violent Year

Similar to Inherent Vice, the hype machine of A Most Violent Year was in full running when I was still abroad in China. Trailers were hard to find, the internet was horrible, and Collider was pretty much my only site for movie news. The previews and information on this movie was fairly steady throughout early to mid-2014, and I for one wasn’t buying it. It looked like another Scorsese knock-off, adding insult to injury by taking away Jessica Chastin’s flowing red locks (what an insult!). I missed the hype the second time around during the Oscar buzz season where, to many critics dismay, it was completely shafted in nominations but made a fair amount of critic’s top 10 lists. Still not swayed by these turns of events, I waited until my mother (as always) sent me a newspaper clip of a review from the Kansas City star, and on a brisk Saturday afternoon I decided the trek to the Logan theater to check it out.

After a few days of reflection, was it worth seeing it? The answer is definitely yes, but I can understand how this slipped through the Oscar cracks.

A Most Violent Year tells the story of businessman Abel Morales and his efforts to grow his empire while remaining a non-made man. His wife Anna comes from a criminal background and Abel does not want to go down the same path her father did. Road-blocked by his gangster competition, a “neutral” DA, and frequent high-way robberies, Abel has to figure out how much of a gangster he wants to be.

The story itself is intense but can also be slow at times. Thinking back, Abel is in about 90% of the movie which lends a character study feel to it, although I don’t think that was the purpose. It was more likely to show the effects of having a torn mentality when the odds are stacked against you as a man who is trying to run a family and a business; to that regard it works. To quote Boardwalk Empire, “You can’t be half a gangster”, and Abel’s actions throughout the movie parallel the same thin-line that Nuckie Thompson walked.

Since the characters carry the movie, they obviously put a lot of stake on the actors and it paid off. Oscar Isaac is quickly becoming a massive force in Hollywood, which is crazy considering his first major role that I can think of was a deadbeat dad in Drive. He’s among a new crop of actors (many of which are cast in the new Star Wars) that sprung up seemingly out of nowhere and are now in everything. To some extent, Jessica Chastain (Me Amore!) had a similar success and exposure explosion a few years ago, and together they kill it. Isaac has such range you can picture him in this role which is the complete antithesis to Llewyn Davis, and tiny Chastain is as threatening (or more so) as the men who rob her trucks. Their characters play well off each other, and are what hold your attention throughout.

The cinematography and production are understated but play well with the theme. The color is under saturated which gives it a grimy but clear feel (see the metaphor there?), almost the opposite of a movie like Nightcrawler which shines and blinds with every shot. As I wasn’t alive at the time, I can’t verify it works as a period piece, but from what I know of the decade the decadence and overindulgence is played out effectively. Why would someone who just closed on a giant mansion want to keep expanding? Because it’s never enough for some people, and that specific decade brought that in full force. If you want to dig there’s probably some underlying political or socio-economic message in this, but those aren’t the things that I am generally well versed in or pick up on a first viewing.

With all the positives, you would think that this would be up there in my hallowed hall of fame for 2014, and yet I can’t quite give it that merit. It’s a good film, probably along the same lines as American Gangster in terms of quality and feel, but it doesn’t really stick with you. It plays it relatively safe, and while it was enjoyable I don’t really have a need to see it a second time. There are a couple of really unique chase scenes that get the blood pumping, but besides that it follows the leads as they try to scrape together enough money to perform their big purchase. There’s a lot of (admittedly) intense scenes that take place at tables, but it feels more like a financial drama than that of life and death.  If you like either of the lead performers, it would be worth checking out in theaters, but outside of that you can probably wait to see it at home. 

Final Grade: B+

What you’re doing this weekend: What We Do in the Shadows

As I mentioned in my previous post, I’m not a huge fan of the modern comedy. I know a lot of people enjoy these movies for their light-hearted escape from the harshness of reality, and I enjoy the occasional classic as well. That being said, I feel that in the wake of movies like Anchorman (and its sequel), Old School, and even Zoolander that the adult-focused comedy has kind of hit a cycle it may not be able to pop out of. Recent attempts like The Interview and Unfinished Business certainly perpetrate this idea, and I think their weak box office performances is showing the good people that still go to theaters agree.

It turns out that our answer was waiting in the wings, not in the US but in NZ (New Zealand, if you will)!

What We Do in the Shadows is an independently produced vampire mockumentary co-written, co-directed, and co-starring Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Concords fame. Interestingly enough, it was successfully funded through a Kickstarter campaign to start screening in the US.

Even more interesting, it is F*&king hysterical.

I’m not sure if everyone in the theater at the Music Box was drunk or stoned, but my friend Josh and I were roaring right along with them. It’s been awhile since there has been a stand-out Mockumentary style comedy and this plays it so right. Seeing these ancient beings argue about such petty squabbles as who cleans the dishes are acted and scripted so well it feels like you’re right there in the world with them. It’s a self-aware deconstruction of a million different vampire tropes and how those would “realistically” suck (#pun cue the eyes rolling). Having your roommate sketch what you like look before you go out, your victims bleeding all over your furniture, and dealing with the local gang of werewolves all are presented so blasé and mundane for our protagonists it’s absurd. I won’t get into too many specifics here as there is a lot that needs to be unspoiled, and as a huge vampire genre fan myself it was easy to laugh at the ridiculousness of the mythology.

Going in expecting a pretty bare-bones plot, I was pleasantly surprised at how well it held up. I was a little worried that the premise and shtick would get old, but the laughs kept coming throughout the whole movie (and into the credits). I am considering a second viewing already, as there are so many call-backs and subtleties that I’m sure I missed a few.

I could go on about the production itself, but in reality I really don’t have much more to say than go see this movie. It’s sharp, fast paced, and completely unique, again something you don’t see often with modern comedies. During the slow releases of spring, this a movie that you will be thinking of and talking about for weeks.

Final Grade: A

Coming to you live from the couch: Blue Ruin, The Iceman, and Chef

As a recently acclimated Chicago resident (again), I forgot how unforgiving and drab the year starts off. Between snow flurries, sub-freezing weather, and a lack of want to wait for a bus or train, it’s been hard to muster up the wherewithal to leave the comfort of my home to make it to the Cinemas. Couple that with only having 1-2 days open a week and it makes a mean cocktail against staying relevant to new releases.

Luckily, your old pal Netflix seem to have seen this occurring from 2014 and decided to drop a bunch of indie movies that flew under a lot of radars over the last couple of years. You could effectively call this post “What to stream with your significant other to feel like a hipster when you’re waiting for takeout for the 4th day in a row”:



Blue Ruin:

One of the many movies that get brought to my attention via the newspaper clippings my Luddite mother sends me, this movie didn't catch much national recognition, awards or otherwise. Lucky for me, I’m the kind of film nerd that ploughs through movie podcasts, and boy was this the darling of them. Trying to shy away from spoilers, I would say this is a deconstruction of the revenge movie. Hypothetically, in real life if you wanted to kill someone you wouldn't have to go through a network of mobsters and fight scenes before finding the final boss. Blue Ruin takes on that concept by introducing a drifter who goes back to his home town to avenge some family members and finishes with his mission in the first act. The rest of the movie depicts how their respective families and friends would react to someone they know being murdered/ a murderer.

Using a lot of stark color contrasts and being one of the most grounded in reality movies I’ve seen in recent years, Blue Ruin almost plays out like a documentary of the main character’s life. It’s sad, dark, and intense, but has a sensitive side to it where you can almost sympathize with both sides of the conflict. If I were to nit-pick, I would say that it may not be the best actors outside of the main character (you can tell these are not recognizable people) and that it has an INCREDIBLY independent feeling which I know is a turn off for some people. Not sure this would break my top 10 of the last year, but definitely worth checking out on cold dark night.

Final Score: B+

The Iceman:

Welcome to Sam Tucker’s Interactive Review of the true-story Crime Drama The Iceman! In this, you get to decide if the movie is for you based on a short survey, which is presented to you…right now!

1. Do you like Michael Shannon? If so, check here:
2. No, really, do you like Michael Shannon?
3. Do you like decade spanning Crime Biopics?
4. Does the name “Richard Kuklinski” ring a bell?
5. Would you like to see Ross from friends and Captain America in ridiculous mustaches?

Now tally your checks, and here’s your handy score guide:

• 1-2 Checks: Maybe skip it, unless you checked both boxes 1 and 2.
• 2-3 Checks: Definitely check it out, but you don’t need to pay attention the entire time. Maybe you have some laundry that needs to be folded?
• 4-5: You’ll love it, but it won’t be your favorite of all time

Thanks for playing!

Final Score: B-

Chef:

Do you have a heart? Do you have Netflix? You do? Okay great, go ahead and check out Chef.

Like, this weekend.

In all seriousness though this is truly a fantastic watch. As you can tell from my reviews, I generally don’t get behind things that are “family-friendly” or “light-hearted” or “not incredibly dark/disturbing”. This movie is truly all heart though. The performances across the board are endearing, it’s a relevant story, and the food aspect itself is amazing. The story centers on the titular Chef, played by Producer, Director, Writer, Best Boy, Grip, and Main Star Jon Favreau, quitting his job as a downtrodden but well known LA chef and starting his own food truck. This kicks off a journey with his somewhat distanced son and ex-wife that eventually shows how much he really cares about his family. While it admittedly sounds like a cookie cutter (#FoodPun) plot, it’s fairly subtle and is carried heavily by the performers. Favreau clearly has some pull in the industry and a few key cameos really help the movie out, which is nothing against the main cast who were also fantastic.

As mentioned above, the food itself almost counts as a character. My boy Scott told me that the scenes of food preparation were shot with a real chef doing the work, and it is mouthwatering. If you leave this viewing without desperately wanting a Cuban sandwich, you had a food coma (ha!) in the last third. While I admit I don’t know much about the food industry, and even less about the Food Truck industry, the idea of being a “safe” creator versus striking out on your own is fairly applicable across other industries (such as film itself). This makes it not a completely alien experience to those who don’t have “Cutthroat Kitchen” on DVR and allows you to revel in the many shots of five star meals being prepared by an expert.

If there were any negatives, I would say the picture-perfect ending was one of them. Again, it was nice and uplifting but I think they could have ended it on more of an ambiguous ending instead of force-feeding you the last two minutes. And I know its nitpicking but this movie has what I call the “Dennis Leary” effect, wherein the writer/producer/star just happen to pair themselves up with some of the most beautiful starlets in Hollywood. Again, small potatoes (#NailedIt!), but just something that makes me quietly smile to myself and shake my head.

TLDR: Chef is a charming little movie, and since it's streaming you really owe it to yourself to feast on it.

I’m on a (dinner) roll!

Seriously, someone call a doctor.

Final Grade: A

The BDSM movie your Mom would approve of: 50 Shades Of Grey

Quick Note: I didn’t read the books, I don’t care to read the books, and I will not read the books, so if there are major plot points/themes I’m missing from them, please don’t tell me.

Widely regarded as the most accessible “kinky sex” book, you could bet the barn that 50 Shades was of course going to be made into a giant, high-budget movie. When I first heard about this, I figured they would just tone it down and give it a PG-13 rating, but as the date came closer and the “R” rating was released, I thought this may have a chance for being something challenging. Unfortunately, my faith in massive studios was misplaced, as the BDSM/sex scenes could have easily been toned down just a notch or two to fit on HBO or some such network. While slightly titillating, they didn't seem to take any chances given the subject material, but hey maybe the book was this tame too.

The sex scenes were the least of my problems with this flick though. This movie is going to get DESTROYED by people who do Rifftrax or other movie commentaries (Think Mystery ScienceTheater 3000). The dialogue is so badly written and the acting (particularly Mr. Grey himself) is so wooden it caused the whole theater to laugh unintentionally for at least 30% of the movie. The characters themselves are so over-done it’s impossible to relate to. How does a 22-year old woman IN COLLEGE not know what a “buttplug” is? Seriously? And this is with her 4.0 GPA that she clumsily drops out of nowhere in the first 15 minutes. Christian Grey himself is a whole other problem. If the big reveal of this movie was that he was a successful business man who struggles through a case of Asperger’s syndrome, that would be a bigger twist/shock than anything else present in the film. I lost it when they said they were falling for each other. What is there to love? I’ve seen Jack O’ Lanterns that have more personality.



See what I mean?

There was so much more that I didn't understand throughout, and that’s not even touching the many different societal issues that have been brought up by people more culturally in tune than yours truly. The interwebs have blown up about the sexism and oppression that occurs, but again it’s hard to take any of those things seriously with everything else going on. You’re telling me that a billionaire playboy has a specific pair of torn jeans that he wears every time he goes into his BDSM chamber? Did they only have the rental space to shoot for a few days and he only brought the one pair? And a girl is completely cool with her sorta-BF FLYING ACROSS THE COUNTRY to take her on an airplane date in front of her mother? I’ve dated girls for months at a time who didn't want their parents to know they were dating anyone, and I’m a huge push-over! Maybe that’s why….Sorry I’m getting off track here.

In fact, here's a quick list of things just off the top of my head about Ana that are ridiculous and heavily cliched:

• Ana bit her lips so much you could pretty much just call her Bella. In fact, its acknowledged in the script!!! Are you intentionally calling yourself out as the Twilight fan-fic you started as??
• She drives a VW Bug, works in a hardware store, and lives in Portland? No kidding!!! Did they get the inspiration from the "Being Quirky" SNL skit?
• The idea of her having a broke computer comes up 3-4 times, but somehow she pulls a clunker out instead of her brand new Macbook when doing "research"? When was it fixed?
• She's never had an "intimate moment" with anyone looking like that and being raised outside of a monastery? If there was a side-plot about her running away from nunnery or a devout Catholic, sure.
• I know its all about "true love" or whatever, but a billionaire 27 year old can't find a girl who's as good looking as Ana and is into the same stuff he is? Or is that part of the reason he likes her? Just seems like it wouldn't be worth the trouble and time to me, but hey I don't even own a working computer so there you go.
• Ana freaks out after being whipped by Christian, even though she stayed through the whole time in the "playroom", which is such a stupid name. That whole part didn't make any sense to me. Did either of them see having a different reaction after that?? If she didn't like it, why didn't she just leave at the first and say "you're out of your mind, find someone else to beat on"? Oh, and nice sequel bait at the end there.

Look, I get how it’s important and interesting to open up these sexual themes and kink into the public conscious, but this is just such a laughable attempt. If you want to see something in the same “genre” but actually want to get something out of it, I recommend:

• Secretary for those who think this is a “love story”. This film doesn't take itself near as seriously, and allows their flawed characters to have some personality and fun within the world. James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhall are both very talented performers, and they bring a nuance to the role that other…performers couldn’t do. This makes three dimensional characters that you can (sort of) relate to, and this makes you actually care about what happens in their relationship. (Final Score: B+)
• Nymphomaniac for those who are more interested in the BDSM/Kink parts of the tale (Specifically Part 2). I had the misfortune of watching this movie while extremely hung-over and by myself, and it really screwed with my mind. In fact, a lot of the scenes are permanently burned into my memory, which is something that I can’t say about 50 Shades. The BDSM relationship that the lead Joe gets involved in is so visceral and voyeuristic it makes 50 Shades look like a Cinemax movie. In “movie” terms it is not as enjoyable as 50 Shades as it is an incredibly grim/disturbing/serious tale. But again a more talented team creates characters with stronger motivations for going through this pain than “He’s got a great 6 pack and a billion dollars”. (Final Score: D+) 

Overall, 50 Shades of Grey ended up being a pretty enjoyable ride, but not even close for the reasons it was built for. The clichéd characters, tame sex scenes, and horrendous acting make for a movie that is easily the best comedy so far of 2015. In fact, if you want a chuckle, I would wholeheartedly recommend this over The Interview. If you are looking for a serious love tale with highs and lows, doms and subs, I would suggest looking elsewhere.

Final Score: D-